An affair to remember?
Just thinking about being with him a few days ago (still) makes me wet. The feel of his tongue on my lips, in my mouth, around my nipples.......I was at work today, very involved in a spread sheet, and found myself distractedly thinking about his touch. The way that my body just repsonds to him. All he wanted to do is go down on me (it's about time I've found another one! Too bad logistics prevented it). It's the way that he says "I want to taste you" or "You have no idea how much I want to be inside of you". Such passion. So raw and full of desire......and I have to wonder "does he say things like that to his wife?"
I have never fooled around with a married person before. I don't know what happened. Well, I know the facts- went out for a drink with a friend, chatted about our lives, gossiped about mutual friends, he dropped me off at home, and a hug goodbye turned into a tawdry window fogging event in a car. It takes two to tango. That he is married, I'm guessing not happily (they are not Poly and we have had a few conversations about how they want different things in life right now), and is more than a decade older than me are obstacles. I feel guilt. I don't know who I can talk to about this. This is not exactly something that I'm proud of and want to shout from the hilltops.
We have always had a great friendship. Clicked instantly. I've said that if he was closer to my age (and single) he's the kind of guy I'd like to be with (in every sense of the word). But that was always so hypothetical and abstract, never thought about in the real.
I do not want to become a cliche. I'm cool with being 'the other woman' in a GF/BF or Poly situation, but somehow, when presented with the opportunity to be one to a marriage I am uncomfortable. Not sure I want this to happen again. That's not true. Part of me would love for it (and more) to happen. There is such great chemistry and potential for explosive sex like I have not had in a long time. But he's married. I refuse to become one of those women who keep waiting for their married lover to leave his wife and eventually end up waiting through the best years of their lives.
I suppose that this is something that we should discuss. Not a conversation I'm looking forward to. I don't really know what he wants (and part of me doesn't care*) or what thoughts he has about what occurred in that front seat. I have always been one to blur the lines of relationships, friendships, etc....but this time I am a bit conflicted.
*the self protective part of me that just says "flee" and "get away while you can before things become a huge mess..."
1 comment:
there must be a guy your age or younger that is quite passionate about sex. the reason there is so much passion in this one is because it's so "wrong". i don't know where you find all the other young soppy guys.
in any case, it helps to keep your options open--you can see this guy, but you need to maintain 2 or 3 other guys--period! if you can't do that, then yes, it's a good idea to stop seeing this guy. the key is to make sure you have more than just this guy, as he has more than just you. that maintains the balance, so you won't be waiting for him to leave his wife.
remember--there are many men you can have passion for. he's just one of them. you're in your 20's, so he's not the last man who will turn you on, mentally and physically.
make peace with the strong feelings that you do have for him--denial won't help. just keep in mind that there is the possibility of someone else who loves differently yet just as passionately.
trust me on this--there is no greater high in the world than to see how each man acts when he's in love. that's why it's so hard for me to be a one man woman. that's why it's so hard for me to let the others go--they show their passion for me in different ways. i won't discount how you feel with this guy--i'm sure the passion is real. but i promise you'll feel this with another guy. hell, you might just meet him tommorrow while you're hot and heavy with this one!
passion with 2 or 3 at once is very doable--the only problems is keeping them apart. i certainly don't reccomend this if you want a low maintenance love life.
you can maintain passion with this one while remaining open to new guys who can show you a good time and might be just as good a match for you. the seductresses in history were very adept at this--lola montez, vicki woodhull, hortense mancini, george sand, mae west, beryl markham, and even modern tennis diva anna kournikova (if you remember her days before she hooked up with enrique iglesias, that is--not much of a tennis player, but she made alot of guys fall passionately in love for her and made fools of themselves, like sergei fedorov and pavel bure).
btw--in my experience, guys HATE being the "other guy", and they used to pressure me to break up with dirk. i've seen guys willingly cheat on their gf's, but when the shoe is on the other foot--when he's single and the girl he wants is attached, he says no! why? i suspect the real reason is that he can't handle being in the "traditional mistress" waiting role. quite emasculating really--that's the true crime, not the actual cheating.
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