How Many?
What number of sexual partners is appropriate? Is this even a valid question anymore?
While I do like to get my slut on in a sense I'm not chasing an amount. I'm going for quality and curiosity over quantity. I have a friend who got out of a very long term relationship about 2 years ago. To put it one way, Friend is in his slutty phase now. He seems to me to feel somewhat inadequate about having only been with one person until the day that relationship ended 2 years ago. So he went on a Casual Sex Binge, trying to make up for something, a number of some sort is what he indicated to me. I'm sympathetic to throwing oneself in "extreme" situations to try out new things and identities after going through something like that. But at some point one must begin to question the Chase of the Number. What's it about for him? It's just a number, though I don't think he's after a specific number, say 50, but a concept= sexing a large number of people.
2 comments:
Hi W&N,
I don't think the answer comes in raw numbers. I think instead it comes from finally having "enough." Enough partners to feel validated after whatever he'd been through previously Enough to become familiar and not just overwhelmed by the rollercoastering emotions and sensations. Enough to know what to expect next time. Enough to rinse the loss of his relationship with his former partner. And, possibly, enought to realize that a sex binge might have been what he wanted but might not have been what he needed.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with casual sex binges and sometimes kind of miss having them. It's just that if you do I think you should do it for yourself and your casual partners and not as some kind of post-relationship therapy.
As with so many things in life, we're conditioned - both by the media and by many of the people around us - to believe that "more is better" and "more = happier". Should a man or woman happen to have only had one or two sexual partners, there will always be sections of society that (endeavour to) make them feel that they are in some way underachieving or inadequate.
The reality is that - as you mentioned yourself - the more important factor is that of quality. One hundred bad fucks are exactly that: bad fucks. I guess the trick is to resist the cry of the bed-notchers, and find that state of mind where you can look your own reflection in the eye and say, "I'm content." Of course, if you look yourself in the eye and genuinely still want to fuck another 99 people, for whatever the reason, then that's down to you.
In all, I'd have to agree with Figleaf on the concept of 'enough'.
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